English Jokes You will not be bored with us!

I’m happy with my relationship status: I’m about to get married. I just don’t know to who yet.

My wife and I just separated not too long ago. Actually, it’s a trial separation, which, as you well know, it turns out to be the separation before the trial.

My first marriage ended in irreconcilable differences: attempted murder. I took ’till death do us part too seriously there.

The other night I went out on a date with a guy who said he didn’t like girls who were fragile or vulnerable. So I stabbed him.

This guy came on the screen, and he goes, ‘The divorced Christian woman has to be very careful because men know she’s been married and she’s familiar.’ I guess that would explain why people keep looking at me and going, ‘Hey, you look really familiar.’

I had the best day ever. I ran into my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend — with my car.

He took me to McDonald’s, backed his car through the drive-through window, so the cashier could be on my side.

I answer personal ads. I’m not ashamed to admit it. But I think I’m the only one that answers them in the negative. Like, I’ll call up and be like, ‘Yeah, are you a single, white female, 29, who likes long walks on the beach, poetry and jazz? I’m not …

I missed the 70s. That’s what I hear, that it was one big ski weekend. From what I hear, this was a good pick-up line in the 1970s: ‘Come on, let’s go.’

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I’m not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.