George Bush speaks Spanish. That’s why they love him in Miami — ’cause he speaks Spanish and ’cause he hates Castro. Won’t even refer to Castro as ‘president.’ It’s always, ‘Mr. Castro.’ And Castro refers to Bush as ‘El Pendejo Junior.’
Přečíst celý »Bill O’Reilly vs. the Hindenburg
Q: What is the difference between Bill O’Reilly and the Hindenburg? A: One is a flaming gasbag full of hot air, and the other is a dirigible.
Přečíst celý »Bill Larkin: A Song for My Twin Brother
You haven’t got a friend in the world/and you smell like rotten meat/You’re also stupid/my stupid, rotten-meat-scented twin/and you’re the reason Dad’s always always drinking/and why Mom is always drinking as well.
Přečíst celý »Bill Clinton’s DNA
Dear Mr. Starr: The test on the dress came back inconclusive. Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.
Přečíst celý »Becky Pedigo: SUV
I drive an SUV. My little hippie friend, Robert, told me that, apparently, my car rapes the land. That’s what he told me when I was giving him a ride. I was giving him a ride from Salt Lake City back to San Francisco. So I said, ‘Well, I could …
Přečíst celý »Becky Pedigo: Country and Western Bar
I just did a show at a country and western bar, and — this is true — I had been onstage, like, a minute and a half when I heard: ‘Never come here again!’ And I thought, ‘Oh my gosh, did I just say that out loud?’
Přečíst celý »Bald Bubble
Are you really that bald, or is your neck just blowing a bubble?
Přečíst celý »Bad Lawyer
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?A: Senator.
Přečíst celý »Auggie Smith: Not the Booze’s Fault
No matter what your problems in life are, I assure you: it is not the booze’s fault. Let’s get this straight once and for all, OK? You know what? If you’re a jackass when you’re drinking, it’s because you’re a jackass.
Přečíst celý »Arkansas State Residency Application
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Relationship with …
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