A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church. When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up. “Yes,” the girl says. “But I …
Přečíst celý »Chips and Dip
Q: How do you get a baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
Přečíst celý »Chilling with Eskimos
Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice? A. Polaroids.
Přečíst celý »Chapped Lips
One roomate said to another,”Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth.” His roomate replied, “Oh, that’s my fault — I guess I missed.”
Přečíst celý »Carol Leifer: You’re Close to Someone
I think you know you’re close to somebody if you can walk out of the bathroom and go, ‘You don’t want to go in there for a while.’
Přečíst celý »Carlos Oscar: Las Vegas Pools
My daughter — true story — she’s turning six. I asked her, ‘Where do you want to go for your birthday?’ She said, ‘I want to go to Las Vegas.’ ‘Las Vegas?!’ Six years old, that makes sense, ’cause she likes the big hotels with the pools. She loves the …
Přečíst celý »Captain Hook’s Death
Q: How did Captain Hook die? A: He wiped his bum with the wrong hand.
Přečíst celý »Cannibal Etiquette
Did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder.
Přečíst celý »Camouflage Clothing
Whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent, an old pirate captain would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of his crew members asked him what it meant. The pirate captain replied, “It’s in case I get shot. I don’t want …
Přečíst celý »Butt Cheeks
Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other? A: “Together, we can stop this s**t.”
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