— A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.— You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee.— You won’t get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m.— You can make coffee as sweet as you want.— You can get cup after cup of different …
Přečíst celý »Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
— You can GET chocolate.— Chocolate satisfies even when it’s gone soft.— You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.— You can have chocolate in in public.— If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won’t mind.— The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.— You don’t get hairs in your …
Přečíst celý »What do you get when you divide …
What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi!
Přečíst celý »What did the mother turkey
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
Přečíst celý »Wendy Liebman: Running When Necessary
I go running when I have to — like when the ice cream truck is going 60, or I need a lift to the bakery.
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Menu
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:Cheese Sandwich: $1.50Chicken Sandwich: $2.50Hand Job: $10.00He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.“Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” he asks.“Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”“Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says the man. “I want …
Přečíst celý »Walks Into a Bar… Cheese Sandwich
A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. “A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich,” he says to the barman.“I’m sorry, sir,” replies the barman, “we don’t serve food in here.”
Přečíst celý »Viking Booty Call… Lips
Mmmmm… your lips taste like salted fish.
Přečíst celý »Victoria Jackson: Family Restaurant
My husband, he goes, ‘Hooters is a family restaurant.’ And I go, ‘What do you think I am — stupid? It has an owl theme: hoot, hoot.’ And he goes, ‘No, they have really good wings.’ And I go, ‘Oh, well, I go to this place called Balls. It’s a …
Přečíst celý »Vanessa Hollingshead: Shopping for a Little Black Dress
You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress — and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?
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