English Jokes You will not be bored with us!

I’ve been married 21 years — three wives.

The dating game is like investing in the stock market. You’re brokers; you’re constantly investing time, energy, money — investing. You want to see return on your investment. Some of y’all out there are dating two or three different women. That’s like investing in mutual funds.

During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the …

Girls have a very specific type. You ask guys, like, ‘Hey, what do you look for in a woman?’ It’s like, ‘Uh — my penis?’

Workaholism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.

I don’t think she’s racist, but I think she’s old fashioned, you know? And she doesn’t know how to, like, talk about it with me. She’s like, ‘Dat Phan, you like the soup? Eat the soup. Right there. You like the soup? Why you date the white girl?’

Some people say the hardest job is marriage. Marriage is not a job; marriage is a hobby. Dating while you’re married — that’s a job. I don’t want to work that hard. I’m not looking for the overtime.

I’ve learned that being in a really committed relationship, it’s about compromise, but it’s also about knowing what you want and getting that out of it. Like, for instance, I’ve told her I can’t go through with the wedding unless our song is ‘The Monster Mash.’ And that’s gotten me …

You New York chicks are high-maintenance… I’m not saying you’re not worth it, I’m saying I ain’t got it.

A nice car is attractive to a lot of women. I’ve found with a ’96 Geo, you’re not getting the top-quality booty.