A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.“I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife,” he tells the doctor, “when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, …
Přečíst celý »God’s Dead Dog
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. “You know,” Mom said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.” Susie stopped crying and asked, “What would God want with a dead dog?”
Přečíst celý »Giant Underwater Creature
Q: What weighs 2,000 pounds and lays at the bottom of the ocean? A: Moby’s d**k.
Přečíst celý »Genetic Manipulation for Good, Not Evil
Q: What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey? A: Drumsticks for everybody!
Přečíst celý »Gary Lazer: Pet Parrot
I got a parrot; it turned on me. You don’t realize how strong those birds are, but I was walking by its cage one day — boom! — the next thing you know, I’m in a chair,; I’m all tied up; I have a gag in my mouth. And the …
Přečíst celý »Garage of Love
Q: How can you tell if a elephant had sex in your garage? A: You’re missing a Hefty bag.
Přečíst celý »Full of Wool
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means …
Přečíst celý »Frog’s Dream Girl
A frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is going meet a young girl. The psychic tells him, “Yes, you are.” The frog replies, “Where? In a bar or at a party?” The psychic says, “In biology class.”
Přečíst celý »Frog on the Lady’s Head
A lady with a frog stuck to her head went to the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked her what was wrong, the frog replied, “I’ve got something stuck to my ass!”
Přečíst celý »Frog Crossing the Road
Q: Why did the frog cross the road? A: It didn’t — it got run over halfway across.
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