English Jokes You will not be bored with us!

People worry about health at the wrong times, you ever notice that? ‘Ooh, there’s a hair in my food.’ You’re eating bacon — there’s a pig’s ass in your food.

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called – and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see …

I read that, apparently, 13% of young men living in rural America lose their virginity to livestock. That is not right — those poor cows. I’m thinking of starting the first annual ‘Take Back the Field’ rally. I’ve got some slogans for the cows, like, ‘Moo Means No!’ Or, ‘Hey, …

Cats are cool because you don’t have to buy them. You see them on the street, take them home — they’re yours. You ain’t never seen a cat being bought out of a pet store. They just sit in the pet store. They’re under there like, ‘Meow,’ and you be …

Q: What are a woman’s four favorite animals? A: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what’s in the sack.The first man says, “I got me some chickens for dinner tonight.”The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack.“Well, I’ll tell you,” replies the …

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking. As the night goes on, they get drunk, and the giraffe finally passes out. The man decides to go home. As he’s leaving, the man is approached by the barkeeper who says, “Hey, you’re not gonna leave …

A kangaroo walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “Blood is the lipstick of all wounds.” The bartender does not know how he said this or why.

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road? A: He was stuck to the chicken’s foot.