Thursday , January 23 2025

Joey Kola: Living Too Long

What do you do — eat the right foods, exercise? Live ’til you’re 97 so your relatives can empty your urine bottle every five minutes? Oh, thanks for living so long, Grandpa. All I want to do is tend to your bodily fluids!

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Joe Matarese: Three Years Away

All my negative New York friends are like, ‘What are you stupid, dude? You’re gonna relocate for your girl?’ I’m like, ‘Would you shut up, OK? I’m 35, and I’m still single, alright? I’m officially three years away from being that weird uncle you’re not sure if he’s gay or …

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