Now that I’m married, I’m being asked questions I have never been asked before in my entire life. The other day, my wife came up to me and said, ‘Do you think I’m fat?’ I said, ‘Excuse me sweetheart, but do you see “stupid jackass” written on my face? Do …
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Old… Jesus
Yo’ Mama is so old, she’s got a Bible autographed by Jesus.
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Old… History Class
Yo’ Mama is so old, when she went to school, they didn’t have a history class yet.
Přečíst celý »Jim David: Not Telling My Age
I’m not gonna tell you how old I am. Let’s just say it’s somewhere between 30 and a Wal-Mart greeter.
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Dirty… Bath
Yo’ Mama is so dirty, she has to creep up and take the bath by surprise.
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Old… Fred Flintstone
Yo’ Mama is so old, she used to work with Fred Flintstone.
Přečíst celý »Jeremy Hotz: What a Miserable Life
Getting old, I can’t stop it. What a miserable life this turned out to be. Losing the hair on my head, getting some new hair right above my ass at the crack — what the hell kind of tradeoff is that?
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Bald… Shower
Yo’ Mama is so bald, she gets brainwashed when she showers.
Přečíst celý »Jeremy Hotz: Men’s Locker Rooms
You got to stay out of the men’s locker room, don’t you? What a horrible, disgusting place that is, just filled with naked 85-year-old men — just totally nude, nowhere near the shower, just nude and loitering. When I’m nude, I move fast. I’m looking for my clothes.
Přečíst celý »Jeremy Hotz: Life Change at 30
Once you hit 30, your life changes — all the 30-year-olds know what I’m talking about. You hit 30, you don’t run for the bus anymore. You get about halfway and go, ‘Oh, there’s other buses. I’m 30, this is garbage. I’m taking a cab to the bus.’
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