English Jokes You will not be bored with us!

I recently got a fake tattoo on my arm, which is cool. I got one of those iron-on kinds. It’s real cheap, it’s cool — it’s a flaming skull inside a giant red burn mark.

I don’t even have hair anymore — I have hairs. Do you understand the difference? When you have hair, you can style it. When you have hairs, you can count them.

Here we are starving ourselves to death for two groups of people that wouldn’t want to screw us anyway.

An elderly couple sets sail on a romantic cruise. Unfortunately, as the ship leaves the dock, the wife’s hearing aid falls out and rolls overboard. Then, the old couple find bunk beds in their suite. The husband sourly thinks, “Damn! She can’t hear a thing AND no sex for a …

My sister got married recently. She got married. It was great, but the entire bridal party was dressed in brown. It looked more like a shift meeting at UPS: ‘Do you promise to get this package there overnight?’ ‘I do.’

Ladies, my whole point is do not — do not — feel like you gotta do these tricks for us. Don’t — ’cause the average guy does not care. Do we? No, we don’t. As long as the hole is safe and clean — seriously.

I saw a commercial the other day for a girdle. And you know what that is, right? That’s deception, ladies. These are the same women that get mad when guys lie to them. ‘I thought you were single.’ ‘I thought you were slim.’

Why did the two knives go to the dance together? Because they both looked sharp!

They say inside every big woman, there’s a skinny woman trying to get out. I think I digested that whore a long time ago.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she’s on the highway, she has to stop at the weigh station.