Yo’ Mama is so fat, she sprays her clothes with Pledge and walks around the house to clean.
Přečíst celý »Todd Lynn: Machine for Every Body Part
You go to the gym, right, and they got a machine for every body part. You know — they got something for the legs, the arms, the back. But you know, you can’t walk up to the trainer and be like, ‘Where’s the man-tit machine at?’
Přečíst celý »Todd Lynn: Baggy Pants
I got that whole thug-gangsta-rap-hip-hop-baggy-pants thing going on. I really don’t want the baggy pants — I just can’t find no damn pants that fit me.
Přečíst celý »Grandma’s Condition
Q: What’s that wrinkly thing on Grandma? A: Grandpa.
Přečíst celý »Tim Young: Nude Beach
It’s not weird to see naked people. We see nude people all the time — you know, cable and R-rated movies — but those people in the movies have been pre-approved to be naked. They went through a casting director or something. Everyone gets on the nude beach. It’s not …
Přečíst celý »George Miller: Bragging About Age
I like elderly people, unless they brag about their age. ‘Look at me. I’m 94 years old.’ ‘Well, good, that means you’ll be passing away soon.’
Přečíst celý »Yo’ Mama Is So Fat… Three Little Pigs
Yo’ Mama is so fat, if she were one of the three little pigs, she’d say, “Not by the hair on my 26 chins.”
Přečíst celý »Tim Bedore: Playing Softball Over 30
Let me give you some advice. If you’re over 30 and you play softball, don’t dive for anything. The dream is over, let it go.
Přečíst celý »Tie Required
A guy gets stopped by the bouncer at a nightclub. “You have to wear a tie,” the bouncer tells him. The guy goes back to his car and finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around his neck and goes back to the club. The bouncer lets him in …
Přečíst celý »Gene Pompa: Ex-Smoker Weight Gain
I quit smoking cigarettes about a year ago. I gained 18 pounds. So, now I have to wear a lot of black so no one knows what a big hunk of pig I turned into. No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds. It’s really starting to …
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