English Jokes You will not be bored with us!

Do be careful with cocktails. Those are drugs. You don’t wanna wake up tomorrow morning, look in that bathroom mirror and start thinking, ‘Oh my God, how the hell did Martha Raye get in here?’

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she’s got more rolls than a bakery.

A friend of mine recently got a tattoo, which I thought was really cool because I don’t have the guts to do it myself… And I asked her where she got it. And she told me she got it on her vagina. And I said, ‘Why? Why on God’s green …

I saw a transvestite holding one of those fancy handbags that said ‘Guess.’ I said, ‘You’re a man?’

An old woman says to an old man at the rest home, “I can guess your age.”The man doesn’t believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.“Pull down your pants,” she says.She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, “You’re 84 years old.”“That’s amazing,” …

Hot’ is when you got on the latest thing in the stores, right off the rack — you just hot. Or I could have just got ‘hot to death.’ Now, ‘hot to death’ is when you sharp, fly and hot all in one. When you hot to death… if you …

I’ve never understood the concept of the gift certificate because for the same $50 bucks, [my friend] could’ve gotten me $50 bucks.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she measures her weight on the Richter Scale.

When you’re a doctor, you can introduce yourself to people and say, ‘Hi, I’m Doctor Whatever-Your-Name-Is.’ In other words, you can tell everybody what your credentials are up front, and it’s not considered bragging. But nobody else can do that — I can’t say, ‘Hi, I’m Eight-and-a-Half-Inches Naturman.’

Two cowboys lean against the rail at their favorite bar and rate women as they go by.A beautiful brunette passes. The first cowboy says, “I’ll give her a 3.” The other cowboy nods.Next, a hot redhead walks by. The second cowboy looks her up and down and says to the …