English Jokes You will not be bored with us!

Yo’ Mama is so fat, when she sits on a quarter, she squeezes a booger out of George Washington’s nose.

A woman wants a facelift and her surgeon tells her about a new procedure. “We put a dial in the back of your head and when your skin starts to sag you simply turn the knob.”“That sounds good,” she says.Two years later, she goes back and tells the surgeon that …

I’ve seen this at the Big N’ Tall store, a pair of pants in a size 50w/30l. Friend, when your pant size is also a motor oil viscosity, I think there’s a need for redirection in your diet program.

If you don’t know about the Big N’ Tall store, that’s where you thin bastards send us folks to shop. We don’t get any cool brand names; you little, thin people hogged those. You get the Gaps and the Polos and the Fubu. We don’t get no Fubu; we get …

I don’t drink as much as I used to. I don’t like those hangovers anymore. Wake up with a splitting headache; your memory comes back like a little radio in your head — ‘Good morning, fool. It’s time for the news. You got drunk last night, and you hit on …

Three men discuss the Christmas presents they bought for their wives. The first man says he bought his wife a vacation home in the Bahamas and one in Jamaica. “That way,” he explains, “if she doesn’t like one, she can use the other.” The second man says he bought his …

I never thought he’d come home with this outfit with the blinking cups. Oh, I was never more proud. Electric blinking cups…. I was afraid to sweat. He says, ‘Honey, you seem tense.’ I said, ‘Well unplug me.’

A bodybuilder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was suntanned everywhere but his penis. So, he went to the beach, naked, and buried himself in the sand with only his penis sticking out.Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this penis sticking out of the …

I have stuff on layaway at the Dollar Store.

L.A. has some pretty tough beauty standards, if I don’t say so myself. Because in Oregon, on a good day, I’m like a six or a seven — I’m not trying to brag — but in Los Angeles, I’m a man.