Pajamas — they’re stupid. They make no sense at all. If I’m gonna make the effort of putting on matching tops and bottoms, I might as well put on heels and go out for the evening.
Přečíst celý »You’ll Be So Fat…The Gym
You’ll be so fat after Thanksgiving the only thing stopping you from going to the gym is the doorframe.
Přečíst celý »Rogaine and Viagra
Q: What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viagra?A: Hair that stands straight up on your head.
Přečíst celý »Carol Siskind: One Hour of Sleep
I have a friend tells me he can get by on one hour of sleep. To me, this is crazy. It’s like someone bragging that they only need one tooth to chew. You know, you might do it with one, but you look a helluva lot better with more.
Přečíst celý »You’ll Be So Fat…Nickname
You’ll be so fat after Thanksgiving your new nickname will be “Daaaamn!”
Přečíst celý »Rocky LaPorte: Keeps Me Young
My friends say, ‘Rocky, you don’t seem that old.’ I say, ‘That’s because I read at a third grade level — keeps me young.’
Přečíst celý »Carol Leifer: Secret to Feeling Young
Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I’ll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.
Přečíst celý »You’ll Be So Fat…Mountain
You’ll be so fat after Thanksgiving you’ll make the centerfold in Mountain Climber Magazine.
Přečíst celý »Rocky LaPorte: Cosmetic Counter Girls
You ever go into those fancy malls? You ever see those girls working behind the cosmetic counters? They’ve got lab coats on. What are they doing, splitting atoms back there? I went in there to buy cologne; they drew blood and told me I had a yeast infection. You laugh …
Přečíst celý »You’ll Be So Fat…Mayonnaise
You’ll be so fat after Thanksgiving you’ll put mayonnaise on aspirin.
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