I have a little nephew. He’s two-and-a-half, and he just learned to say those three words, ‘I love you.’ And he’s saying it to everybody now. My sister was like, ‘He doesn’t understand what it means. He’s saying it because he thinks he can get something.’ I said, ‘Oh, I …
Přečíst celý »Judy Toll: During the Sexual Revolution
I came of age during the sexual revolution, so I’ve had to totally de-slutize myself for the 90s.
Přečíst celý »Thumb Sucking
A mom, dad and their two sons watch TV. The dad gives the mom a look, and they head upstairs. The two little boys wonder what they are doing and go upstairs to take a peek.“Well,” says the older boy, “remember this when mom gets on your case for sucking …
Přečíst celý »Three-Legged Race
One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile …
Přečíst celý »Jonathan Corbett: Retired Father
My dad is retired now, and he moved to Florida. And it’s really great to be able to finally go down and visit him now that he’s finally able to do those things in life that he’s always wanted to do, which apparently is start drinking at noon and then …
Přečíst celý »Three Daughters Dinner
Three girls asked their mother if they could invite their boyfriends over for dinner. Their mother told them to go upstairs to get ready and to call them. An hour later, when the girls were not downstairs yet, and the boyfriends had still not shown up, the mother went to …
Přečíst celý »Jon Ross: New Parenting
They encourage the kids to call them by their first names… I think that’s weird and I think it’s wrong, but I’m old fashioned. But I’m not married, so my kids call me ‘the defendant.’
Přečíst celý »This Joke Is Toast
Q: What does a slice of toast wear to bed? A: Jammies.
Přečíst celý »Johnny Steele: Class Clown
That’s a tough and dedicated job to be a class clown. You basically throw your educational future in the toilet for the amusement of your pinhead classmates who didn’t pay a cover charge.
Přečíst celý »Things I’ve Learned from My Children
1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, …
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