One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused: “Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?” Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay. Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet. But, within a minute, she was back. Another …
Přečíst celý »Jessica Kirson: English Children
I get intimidated by people a lot, but I’m mostly intimidated by English children ’cause I think that they all sound like they’re 50.
Přečíst celý »The Boss
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ”How much is the yellow one?” The assistant says, ”$2000.” The man is shocked and asks the assistant …
Přečíst celý »Jeremy Schachter: Quitting Pot
I quit smoking pot. I quit because I saw this commercial on TV — you may have seen the same one — it’s the one where this kid gets all his buddies together, they’re gonna go in the basement, and they’re gonna smoke some weed. So, he goes to get …
Přečíst celý »Jeff Stilson: Naming the Baby
It’s very stressful becoming a parent. You know what was really hard for me? Coming up with names for our children. I panic when I have to name a new document on my computer. Damn, everybody uses ‘miscellaneous.’
Přečíst celý »That Johnny Is So Witty
One day a teacher told her students to draw a train on a railway track for homework. The next day when the teacher started checking everybody’s book, she came up to Little Johnny. “Show me the homework,” she demanded. Little Johnny showed the teacher his notebook with only a picture …
Přečíst celý »Jeff Stilson: Men in the Delivery Room
I was present for all of their births. That’s expected of men now. We gotta be there when the kids are born, and I’m still not sure what our role is in the delivery room. As far as I can tell, it’s like waiting for your luggage at baggage claim. …
Přečíst celý »Test Tube Baby
Q: What did the normal baby say to the test-tube baby? A: Your dad’s a wanker.
Přečíst celý »Jeff Stilson: Giving Birth
I could never, ever raise a child to whom I gave birth because a newborn is about the size of a basketball. And if I had to expel a basketball from my body via a very restricted passageway, I would never want to see that basketball again — not even …
Přečíst celý »Telephone Operator’s Proposal
Q: How did the telephone operator propose to his girlfriend? A: He gave her a ring.
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