I’m like, ‘I ain’t taking 13 kids to no damn movies.’ I was like, ‘I’ll take two of them, and they can tell the rest what they’ve seen.’
Přečíst celý »Steve Sweeney: Growing Up Catholic
I grew up a Catholic, which is good. It gives you something to work out the rest of your life.
Přečíst celý »Steve Shaffer: Catholic Parochial Education
Sad to say — eight years of nuns, four years of priests, 12 years of therapy — here I am.
Přečíst celý »Isaac Witty: Special Birthday Surprise
My mom always tried to make birthdays special for me. One year, she put a life-sized inflatable clown in my room, like it’d be neat when I woke up. Let me just tell you guys — you don’t know fear until you wake up in the middle of the night …
Přečíst celý »Steve McGrew: When You Piss Off Your Mom
Your dad’ll whack you a couple of times and move on. You piss off your mom: their eyes roll back, that third lip comes down. She whipped me with a dog collar one time — dog still in it.
Přečíst celý »Steve McGrew: Parent’s Sex Life
I knew my parents had sex. I just didn’t think they liked it.
Přečíst celý »Steve Marmel: George W.’s 2000 Campaign
It sucks for Bush to walk around, ‘I’m not an insider.’ You’re the president’s kid! You’re a Baldwin!
Přečíst celý »In a Year, I’ll Be Five
A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When he was finally done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground. “I’m free, I’m free!” he shouted. “So what,” said a little girl. “I’m four.”
Přečíst celý »Stayin’ Alive
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life. He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age.” So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe …
Přečíst celý »Ice Cream Lessons
Where would you learn how to make ice cream? At Sundae school.
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