Things Never Said by Southerners

— Duct tape won’t fix that.

— Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

— We don’t keep firearms in the house.

— You can’t feed that to the dog.

— The kids can’t ride in the back of the pickup — it’s just not safe.

— Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

— We’re vegetarians.

— Do you think my gut is too big?

— Honey, we don’t need another dog.

— Who’s Richard Petty?

— We could just share a small bag of pork rinds

.– Too many deer heads detract from the decor

.– I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today

.– Is there anything in this restaurant that’s NOT fried?

— The tires on that truck are too big.

— I’ve got it all on the C drive.

— There’s too much sugar in this tea.

— Checkmate.

— I believe you cooked those greens too long