- you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- you sleep with your eyes open.
- you have to watch videos in fast-foward.
- the only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
- you can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without the timer.
- you’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
- your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- you chew on other people’s fingernails.
- the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- you can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
- you can jump-start your car without cables.
- you don’t sweat, you percolate.
- you walk twenty miles on your tread mill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
- you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- you’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- instant coffee takes too long.
- you channel surf faster without a remote.
- you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- you short out motion detectors.
- you don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- you help your dog chase its tail.
- you soak your dentures in coffee.
- your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee and an IV hook-up.
- you get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
- you answer the door before people knock.
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