Things Your Wife Won’t Say

— The smell of beer on your breath drives me wild.

— I’m bored. Let’s shave the p***y.

— I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

— Let’s get a good porno movie, a case of beer, and make an afternoon of it.

— God, if I don’t blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!

— I only signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head.

— Let’s subscribe to Hustler.

— Let’s take pictures so your friends will believe you.

— Honey, our neighbor’s daughter is sunbathing again. Come see!

— Awesome fart! Do another one!