Yo’ Mama is so old, she dreams in black and white.

— Not the brightest crayon in the box— Not the sharpest knife in the drawer— Not the funniest clown in the circus— Not the fastest horse in the race— Not the sharpest tool in the shed— Not the brightest star in the sky— Not the most likely Vice Presidential candidate

Yo’ Mama is so old, her birth certificate expired.

A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, “Hey where’d ya get the pig?” The woman replies, “Listen you drunken bastard, that’s a dog not a pig.” The man then said, “Take it easy, I was …

Yo’ Mama is so old, her belly button is between her breasts.

Yo’ Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.

Certain large people should not wear certain clothing. That’s all there is to it. She was wearing one of those designer sweatshirts that say ‘Guess’ written across the front. Four or five kids behind me go, ‘250?’ ‘275?’

Yo’ Mama is so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.

This girl had a tube top that said, ‘Hottie.’ I was thinking, ‘This bitch has a good sense of humor.’ ‘Sweaty’ might have been a better word. I don’t know how big she was, but she had a tube top, those little hip huggers — looked like a can of …

I look at divorce this way: it’s better to have loved and lost, then have to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.