People that drive a gas-guzzling SUV and they put a flag on it — that’s like a whore wearing a rosary.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she’s got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

It’s sad to think about it, but let’s face it — the average American wouldn’t know how to question authority if it was on the other end of a knock-knock joke.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she makes a parachute look like a handi-wipe.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, she has to sneak up on the mirror.

How would you like to be Michael Jackson’s kid? I was embarrassed because my dad wore black socks with shorts. Imagine that freak following you around the mall — you’re just trying to fit in; he zips by in a jetpack, dressed like Shirley Temple.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, smaller fat women orbit around her.

Yo’ Mama is so ugly, she makes the mice scream and jump up on chairs.

I have nothing against the Catholic Church. I hate and avoid Catholic people, but I have nothing against the Catholic Church.