Q: What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas? A: Cancer.

A Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye are night fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio River.As soon as the redneck puts his line in the water, he slings a fish onto the bank. The buckeye isn’t catching anything, so he yells across to the redneck, “Buddy, I’d sure …

Q: Why did the redneck cross the road? A: He wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?A: I don’t know, but where’d she get shoes and what is she doing out of the kitchen?

The other day I was flying in, I had Eric Estrada on my flight. And I had to say something — I said, ‘Hey, you’re the guy from “Chips.”‘ He said, ‘Yes. Would you like another drink before we land?’

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, “Save the women!” George W. Bush hollers, “Screw the women!” Bill Clinton asks excitedly, “Do we have time?”

If we were hauling any more trash into the ocean, we would have been boarded by Greenpeace.

A woman goes to the doctor for a check-up. When she gets home, her husband asks her how it went. She replies, “He said I have the body of a twenty-year-old. Her husband says, “What did he have to say about your forty-year-old ass?” She replies, “Your name didn’t come …

I saw a guy today who had rings and hooks and pens and antennas hanging out his cheeks and his eyebrows. Looked like somebody hit him in the head with a tackle box.

Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech? A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.