One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her. “If you’re …

10) Your mom. 9) Piss in the wind. 8) Spit straight up. 7) “No, officer, we haven’t been drinking…” 6) Swallow. 5) Drop the soap. 4) Eat it if it smells. 3) Get drunk at a gay bar. 2) Play leapfrog with a unicorn. 1) Use Elmers’ glue for a …

What do you call a fart? A turd honking for the right of way.

Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?A: He drowned in his own tea pee.

Prostitute 1: Tonight’s my night — I can smell c**k in the air.Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.

I think it is a patently ridiculous announcement that ‘your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device.’ Folks, if we’re crashing, my seat cushion’s gonna be used as a toilet.

While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. “Wow! What a great idea,” he thinks to himself and buys three of them.Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.

Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady who also had …

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you’re still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime – but mostly the kitchen. The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down …