An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What’s your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What’s your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major.

A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms. We have some for 75 cents a peace. The man asks for two. The pharmacist calculates the total and says, “That will be $1.58 with tax, sir.” The pollock says, “Oh, these come with tacks? I …

One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops. At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off. She turned to the bus driver and said, “I think I was just molested back there.” The bus driver looked at …

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so he asks the manager, “Where’s John?” The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found sticking his d**k in the meat slicer” Then the man asked, “Where is the meat …

1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, ‘Darn, I almost made it!’ 3.Wash you hair and dry it in the hand dryer. 4.Wear papertowels wrapped around your head and pretend you’re Erykah Badu. 5.Write on the wall of …

If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.

Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!

Bob: “Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?”Sue: “Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?”

Mary can’t stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn’t have a problem with it. So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, “The hell with it,” and decides to go to sleep. The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake. “Mary, who created the …

I can’t even tell you what I did to my head. It would have been equally effective as if I’d gone to McDonald’s and said, ‘You know, I’d like an order of fries, but don’t put them in the bag. I’d like to bob for them, if that would be …