Q: What’s red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go. The first little old lady had a stroke, the second little old lady also had a stroke, but the third little old …

A man walks into his doctor’s office and whines, “Doc, you’ve got to help me; I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my ass.” The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, “I’ve got cream for that!”

One man says, “I can’t believe they are still together after all that crap.”The other man says, “Who?”The first man says, “Your butt cheeks.”

Back in the day, when they stamped each can in the grocery store with a sticker price, there was a store employee doing just that. Standing in the aisle next to him was a lady trying to figure out what she wanted. The employee smelled that this lady had let …

I saw this funny sign on the bathroom door that said, ‘Bathroom out of order due to renovations. Please use floor below.’ They didn’t even put down paper or anything.

You’re never too poor for good toilet paper. That’s a law.

Q: What’s the connection between the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper? A: They both travel around Uranus looking for Klingons.

Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.

Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg?Sperm 2: We’ve still got a long way to go. We’re only half way down the esophagus.