Q: What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public? A: A private tooter.

What’s gross? Farting in the bathtub. What’s grosser than that? Catching the bubbles with your teeth.

Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ”Mommy, I have to piss.” The mother said, ”Son don’t say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, ‘whisper’ because it is more polite. The next Sunday, …

What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!

What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat? Bone appetit!

I’m trying to scare up a piece of ass as my Dad would say. Piece of ass is always a strange thing to hear guys call a woman. Piece of ass? Piece of ass sounds like something an FBI agent finds in a field.

I went and saw ‘The Vagina Monologues.’ That is the worst ventriloquism I have ever seen in my life. You could see their lips moving; it was terrible.

Three old men were sitting on a porch. “I wish I could take a healthy piss,” said one. “I wish I could take a healthy crap,” said another. The third old man said, “I can take a crap at 6 a.m. and a piss at 11 a.m. I just wish …

Q: What’s grosser than gross? A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.

Q: What’s grosser than gross? A: German porn. Q: What’s worse than that? A: People who watch it.