We have so many nationalities. It’s gotten to the point now that you can go into any fast food place, and you can find out what kind of neighborhood you’re in just by the ethnic group that works there. It’s like, if Chinese people work there, you’re in a Chinese …

We do have something in common in that tonight neither one of us will be having meat.

Q: What’s the difference between pea soup and roast beef?A: Anyone can roast beef.

I like to buy a four-pack of toilet paper every time I shop, just so I can ask the clerk this judgment question: ‘Would you say I got the right amount of toilet paper for the amount of groceries I bought?’

Q: Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? A: It ran out of juice.

Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?A: A dic-tater.

Q: What do you call two banana peels? A: A pair of slippers.

Q: Where do one-legged people eat? A: IHOP.

There were two muffins sitting in an oven. The first muffin looked at the second muffin and said, “Man, it’s getting hot in here!” Then the second muffin looked at the first muffin. “Oh my God! A talking muffin!”

I have unfortunately developed a medical condition. I don’t know if any of you people have ever heard of it, it’s called ‘office ass.’ You get it from sitting on your ass and eating M&Ms all day. It’s at a pretty advanced stage right now. So, I looked in our …