It’s kind of hard losing weight, though, when every time you see a sign that says, ‘World’s Best Donut,’ you take it as a personal challenge. You’re like, ‘I’ll see about that. Oh, you’re right, this is a good donut. I’ll take seven dozen and a diet coke.’
Přečíst celý »Měsíční archivy: July 2016
Bob Nickman: Sizzler Cheater
Caught my last girlfriend cheating on me. She was at a Sizzler, laying in the all-you-can-eat salad bar.
Přečíst celý »Bob Marley: Waiting on Pizza Delivery
There are people starving to death all around the world, people waiting for a bag of flour to fall out of a helicopter. I’m sitting on the couch, scratching my nuts, going, ‘This is ridiculous. You know how many beers I’ve had to drink while I wait for this kid …
Přečíst celý »Bob Marley: Waiter Service
There’s no relationship here, Travis. I tell you what I want: you go get it; I give you some money; then, you go away — like a food hooker.
Přečíst celý »Bob Marley: Tourette Nacho Syndrome
Do you ever see your nana reach in for the good nacho with her nana hand? And in your head you think, ‘You son of a bitch.’ You don’t think, ‘Oh golly gosh, Nana. You’re a rascal.’ No, you think, ‘Nana is a son of a bitch.’ You don’t say …
Přečíst celý »Bob Marley: Pizza Talk
Do you ever notice from the time you hang up the phone until the pizza guy shows up, the only conversation you have is ‘Where in the hell is our pizza?’
Přečíst celý »Bob Marley: Pizza Delivery Method
The first thing I do after we order the pizza, I take off all my clothes. That way I don’t have to answer the door when the pizza guy shows up.
Přečíst celý »Bob Marley: Nacho Type
The minute they put the nachos on the table, everybody becomes an enemy because there’s all different kinds of nachos. Do you ever see those naked ones around the perimeter? Then, there’s that one big Powerball nacho that somehow is connected to all the other nachos on the plate — …
Přečíst celý »Bob Marley: Great Thing About Marriage
You know what’s great about being married? When dessert comes, you just shove it in your pie hole and you move on to the Promised Land. You just look at each other — we’re going to get fat and we’re still going to have sex.
Přečíst celý »Bob Marley: Friendly Waiters
Do you ever get the waiter who wants to tell you his name? I don’t want to know your name. I’ve got stuff to do. I mean, I’m a really nice guy, but I already have friends. If you’re going to Applebee’s to make friends with the wait staff, you’ve …
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