I was with a lady once, much older than me. She still had a great body, great breasts — not large, but long. They were like ferrets, actually. They were long with little whiskers on the end. She took off her shirt — I didn’t know whether to do foreplay …

You don’t get to be the face of the World Wildlife Fund without knowing a few tricks, know what I’m saying?

Q: Why didn’t they make two Yogi bears?A: Because someone made a Boo Boo.

Q: Why did the bunny hop around on one leg?A: Because the other one was on a key chain.

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, “Look at that dog with one eye!” The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”

A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get back to the farm, but it’s too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk.He wanders out to the road and flags down a sports car. The …

I wish I was a glow worm. A glow worm’s never glum. It’s hard to be downhearted, When the sun shines out of your bum!

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: “I want to hold your hand. Er, hands.”

Q: What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A: An animal that can milk itself.

Q: What do you call an Octopus with no legs? A: A puss.