What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.”

Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because it came out of the pen.

A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he’s just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. …

A guy walks into a dentist’s office and says, “I think I’m a moth.” The dentist replies “You shouldn’t be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist…” The guys replies, “I am seeing a psychiatrist.” The dentist says, “Well then what are you doing here?” And the guy says, “Your …

Q: How did the bee hurt his back? A: He fell off his honey.

A man named Jed went hunting near the border of Alabama and Georgia. When he was going back to his truck, a game warden came up to him and asked him what he had in the sack. “Three rabbits,” Jed said. The warden said, “Let me see one of those …

Q: Why do bees hum?A: They don’t know the words.

I recently bought a goldfish. It turns out it was epileptic. Weird thing is — as long as I left it in the tank, it was fine; the second you took it out to play fetch, it was just seizure city.

As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant: First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant. Fill the hole with ashes. Line the hole with peas. And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick …