Q: What’s bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? A: A squirrel on crack.

Q: Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party? A: He was a party pooper.

Q: Why is it dangerous to go in the jungle after 5 p.m? A: Because elephants jump out of trees after 5 p.m. Q: Why do beavers have flat tails? A: Because they go in the jungle after 5 p.m

Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.

Q: What’s the difference between a saloon and an elephant fart? A: One’s a bar room and the other is a BAROOOOM!

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: “It’s nice, but can it pick up peanuts?”

Egg-Laying Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break

Dogs are such smart animals. They’re so intelligent because they mark their territory with urine. They pee on it, they think it’s theirs. That’s so smart. Imagine if people did that — the homeless would own everything.

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s screwing a chicken.

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.