Q: Why do farmers put bells on cows? A: Their horns don’t work.

Q: Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? A: It kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

Q: What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? A: Beer nuts are $1.39, and deer nuts are under a buck.

Q: Where does a bee pee? A: At the BP station.

A bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing two hikes. They both start running for their lives, but then one of them stops to put on his running shoes. His friends says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear!” His friend replies, “I don’t have to …

Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer? A: Beer.

Q; What do you call two fleas on top of a bald head? A: Homeless.

Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog — at least he’ll quiet down after you let him in.

The best way to smuggle drugs into a country is to place them carefully in a dog’s bottom… because at the airport, if the sniffer dog suspects anything, the officials will think they’re just being frisky… unless of course your dog wears sunglasses and sweats a lot.