A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, “I guess we answered that question!”

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." "Don’t do that! There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will …

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the …

December 14, 1972

When the ark’s door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals and said in a demanding voice: “Listen up kids! There will be NO sex on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your penis. All of you males, take off your penises and …

Q: How many men does it take to screw a light bulb into a socket?A: One — because men will screw anything.

Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?A: Beat it. We’re closed.

There was an old couple sitting at a table. The old man said to the old lady, “I remember 50 years ago we were sitting at this very table.” The old woman said, “Yes, and we were probably naked as jay birds.” The old man said, “Well, what do you …

The teacher was checking her student roster on the first day of school and saw that she was missing three boys and one girl. After a couple of minutes went by, a boy named John walked in and the teacher asked where he was. He said, “Shree Hill.” Then another …

A man and his wife shower together. The husband puts his hand on her breast and says, “These are nice, but if they were a bit firmer you could walk around without a bra for me.”Then the husband pats her butt and says, “This is nice, but if it was …