Q: What do you call 12 naked guys sitting on each other’s shoulders?

A man walks into a music store and wants to buy a good, old-fashioned vinyl record. He gets the record and is ready to check out when he discovers that he forgot his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decides to steal the record. So he …

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane’s engines, he must make an emergency landing. The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and …

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!”

You have very nice legs. What time do they open?

What is the longest organ in a sheep’s body? A New Zealander’s c**k!

A farmer finds a man screwing one of his sheep and a little boy watching.He walks up to the boy and asks, “Who’s that screwing my sheep?”The boy replies, “That’s my Daa-aa-aad.”

Q: How do you make your wife scream during an orgasm? A: Wipe your d**k on the curtains.

What a woman says:This place is a mess! Right now — c’mon — you and I need to clean up. Your stuff’s all over the floor, and you’ll have no clothes left to wear if we don’t do laundry right now.”What a man hears:“Blah, blah, blah blah RIGHT NOW blah …

I told myself this year, I ain’t havin’ sex no more — on Tuesdays, between 4:30 and 6, I ain’t havin’ sex with nobody.