Sex is like a job, and if you don’t do good work, this might be your last day at the office.

A man is away on business, at a convention for marvellous machines. He found a long corridor lined with machines and decided to try a few. The first he came to was called ”The Wonder Cut”. He inserted his money and did as he was told to do by the …

Me and my father went to a fetish party last week. It was awesome. This woman was hitting me with a paddle, and she was like, ‘Who’s your daddy? Who’s your daddy?’ I was like, ‘That guy right over there!’

They got things to do; they got lives. Cougars don’t care about nothing, except that I show up, lay it down and scram — ’cause she’s got big girl things to do.

Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face.” The second old fogey one-upped him and said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden …

Q: What’s in the air in San Francisco that keeps women from getting pregnant? A: Men’s asses.

Q: What is the square root of 69?A: Eight something.

Fred, Bob and Mike visit a whorehouse.Fred comes out of the first bedroom and says, “She put a powdered donut on my d**k.”Bob comes out of the second bedroom and says, “She put a glazed donut on my d**k.”Mike comes out of the third bedroom, holding two dollars. Fred and …

At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-ass jock raises his hand. “What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually …

Q: What aren’t blondes sexually active?A: Because they just lie there.