A man goes to his doctor’s office to get his penis enlarged. The doctor comes in with a tray of penises, and the man says, ”You got any bigger ones?” The doctor comes in with another tray, but the man still wants something bigger. The doctor comes in with yet …

On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, “How long will it be?” The mechanic says, “Just a few minutes.” So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, …

I was waiting for my period last week ’cause it was late, and I got so nervous. Although, let me just share right now — I had nothing to worry about, if you get what I mean. But I was totally nervous ’cause you know how we ladies get. And …

I wouldn’t have sex with an inflatable woman. If I want to have sex with an inanimate object, I don’t even want it to be woman-shaped. I’ve made the leap at this point; I’m going to get weird. I’ll do it with a bag of oranges or something.

How come during sex it’s OK to say, ‘Who’s your daddy?,’ but it’s not OK to say, ‘I love you, mommy’?

I think if I had a choice of having either a demon or a priest inside me, I think I’m going to go for the demon. At least when the demon’s exorcised, it’s cast back into hell instead of just being relocated to another parish.

How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.

Q: Why can’t blondes parallel park? A: Because guys keep telling them that 1 inch is really 6 inches.

(Winking) What’s black and white, winks, and screws like a tiger?

You know how hard it is for you to get pregnant, so there’s nothing to worry about!