A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike. “How’d you get that, son?” “By hiking.” “Hiking?” “Yeah, every night, Mom’s boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike.”

Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth?A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.

What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They’re both a great ride until someone sees you on one.

Q. How can you tell if a guy likes Moosehead? A. By the antler marks on his thighs!

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls. “You see, there are the originals,” said the first monk. “All the new scrolls were copied from these.” “Can I see one?” “Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom–” All of a …

A very horny guy is stranded on an island with a monkey. After a while, he decides to have sex with the monkey, but the monkey continually slips out of his grip and runs away.One day, a very attractive girl is drowning in the ocean and the guy saves her.She …

Why don’t we go back to my place and throw our feces at each other?

I love a female who’s not afraid to pick the nits out of her own fur.

Did you hear about the redneck who went to the hospital to have a mole removed from his d*ck?He swore off sex with them creatures forever.

Q: What food diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%?A: Her wedding cake.