How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, men will screw anything.

I’m just hanging out, minding my own business. He yells from across the room something he thinks is funny. He’s like, ‘What’s the matter, Megan? You don’t have any children because your husband’s got a low sperm count?’… I was like, ‘I don’t know — doesn’t taste like it.’

Now there’s a rack I’d like to be stretched out on.

Want to see a passion play? There’s one being performed in my pants.

Don’t worry, the plague left a few of my parts intact.

Some parts of me are hard even without armor.

Don’t you want to know why they call me Lance-a-lot?

I’m known for my thrusting.

No, don’t worry, that’s not infected. It’s supposed to be red.

Your poorly thatched hut or mine?