Yes, that’s a pistol drill in my pants, and yes, I’m glad to see you.

What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn’t shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.

Remember Barbie heads? The girls do. The guys are like, ‘Barbie’s giving head now? I’ve got to go shopping.’

Hey, have you guys read that bald men make better lovers? Oh, well, ’cause I’ve been writing it everywhere.

Rich people are bad in bed, and poor people are good in bed. That’s because sex is free and poor people love free stuff. You will never get oral sex from a rich girl, but a poor girl will gobble your knob like a block of government cheese.

I just broke up with my girlfriend, and my father really helped me through the break up. He said, ‘Would you forgot about this girl? She’s no good in bed anyway.’

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, ‘Excuse me, I need some condoms.’ And he said, ‘Just a minute.’ And I said, ‘Oh, that’s my brand.’

They say that every man has a female side. I read that in Cosmo. I don’t know about you guys, but when I find mine I’m going to rub it really hard. I am just going to go nuts because I want my party to last a half an hour, …

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. “See if they fit.” “They don’t.” “Now you see who will wear the pants in this house.” She thought a little while, and took off her panties and asked …

A women came home one day with a mirror and told her husband it was magic. Her husband told her to prove it. She said watch, ”Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my boobs biggest of all.” Sure enough, they grew huge. The husband was amazed and said, “Ooh, oooh, …