Little Johnny’s father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.“I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.Confused, his father asks what’s wrong.“Oh, Dad,” Little Johnny sobs, “first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you’re …

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.”Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the …

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his …

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, “What are you doing?”His father says, “We’re playing cards, and your mother is my wild card.”A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, “What are you doing?”His father says, “I’m playing cards.”“Where’s your wild …

Little Johnny comes home one day and says, “Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!”“What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?”“No,” says Johnny. “It’s salty.”

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.She replies, “Gentlemen don’t ask ladies that question.”Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.Again his mother replies, “Gentlemen don’t ask ladies that question.”The boy then asks, “Why did Daddy leave you?”To this, the mother says, “You shouldn’t ask that,” and sends him …

While the teacher was conducting her class, Little Johnny yells out, “Teacher, teacher, I have to take a piss.” The teacher, shocked, replies “No, Johnny you may not because you did not raise your hand. And I will speak to your mother for using that word.” So Little Johnny raises …

Little Johnny’s class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an “advanced” vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with “A,” Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he’ll say, “ass” so she calls on …

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, “F**k this,” “F**k that.” The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,”You shouldn’t swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us.” “Is he in the sky?” asks Johnny. “Yes,” …

Q: What do you have when you hold two green balls in your hand?A: Kermit’s undivided attention.