You’re like, why can’t I meet a real gentleman this day and age? Well, maybe we can’t find them ’cause they’re all hanging out in that exclusive club. They’re in there opening doors for each other, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’

Women, we like to be romanced. We like to be wined, dined — maybe there’s a single rose and some dancing — and then we feel close enough to you to have sex with you. Men, on the other hand, like to have sex with you; then they feel close …

Come on, I haven’t four-scored in seven years!

Can I leave my hat on?

Look, we can debate this all night.

I’ve got the beginnings of a log cabin in my pants.

Let me know if my beard tickles.

If you’re one score and one year old, call me!

Can I give you my Gettysburg address? No? How about my Gettysburg phone number?

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Californians don’t screw in light bulbs they screw in hot tubs.