Q: What’s green and eats nuts?A: Syphilis.

What’s the highest position in the Greek Navy? Rear Admiral!

An old man finds a condom in his grandson’s apartment and asks what it is.“It’s a condom,” replies the grandson, sheepishly.“What do you use it for?” asks Grandpa.The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, “I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain.”Grandpa says, “That’s …

An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband.When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. “Hey old timer,” she says, “come and get some of this!”The old man says, “Hell no, woman. …

A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster because it didn’t work. The cashier told her that he couldn’t give her a refund because she bought it on sale. Suddenly the woman yelled, “Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!” The …

I’ve some bread dough in my pants. Wanna see if it rises?

My meat is Grade A.

Can I marinate in your juices?

Can I lick your bowl?

No, that’s a 20-centimeter Henckels knife, but I AM happy to see you.