Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any children? A: He only comes once a year — and when he does, it’s down a chimney.

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month’s Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here? Secretary: My lawyer.

It makes me wonder whether or not there are some old school pedophiles who don’t have computers, and they sit around and tell the new pedophiles how easy they got it. ‘You know, when I was a young man, there was no Internet. You wanted to meet an eighth grade …

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench, and a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, and the third lady’s arm was too short to reach.

Children in the backseat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

Q: Why can’t psychics have children? A: Their husbands have crystal balls.

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband’s friend when the telephone rang. After hanging up, she says, ”That was Harry, but don’t worry — he won’t be home for a while. He’s playing cards with you.”

Three penises were talking to each other, and the first penis said, “I like my master; he lets me look outside.” The second penis said, “I like my master; he plays with me.” The third penis said, “I hate my master; he puts me in a rubber suit and pushes …

A young woman goes to her doctor and finds out that she is pregnant. She says, “I can’t be! The only men I’ve been around are nudists from my colony, and we only practice sex with our eyes.” The doctor replies, “Someone in that colony must be cockeyed.”

Pamela Anderson has hepatitis C and is surprised about it. I don’t know what you expect when your definition of safe sex was remembering to always wear a backstage pass.