I’m a 31-year-old, college-educated, married man in need of a sexual outlet ’cause my wife is out of town, or she’s working late, or she’s in the other room reading intently — I don’t care anymore.

I tried to stop the first day or two of our marriage, and I promise you, my nuts ballooned quicker than Oprah in a Krispy Kreme.

Do I get a little jealous when my single friends come to me with wild stories about exotic nights with strippers? Sure, but at the same time look at all these model ships I’ve been able to build.

There are some nights, when it comes to sex, I’m like one of those goldfish you used to win as a party favor…. Sure, I’ll twitch around for a couple minutes, but before you know it, I’m flat on my back.

Q: How are blondes like pianos? A: When they’re not upright, they’re grand.

Q: How are blondes and computers similar? A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you.

Q: What did one of the blonde’s legs say to the other one? A: “Between you and me, we could make a lot of money.”

Q: What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow job while he was driving? A: They both fell off the motorcycle.

Q: Why was the blonde’s bellybutton bruised? A: Her husband was a blonde, too.

Q: Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sex?A: Because the condom wouldn’t fit over the phone.