A man takes a beautiful blonde to his apartment. They’re kissing in the elevator when she feels something in his pocket. “What is that?” she asks. He replies, “Those are my golf balls.” She says, “Is that like tennis elbow?”

Q: Why can’t a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Will you be my offline permalink?

Unless you give me your number, today’s entry will be about poor customer service and my cats. Again.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A: The swallow.

Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the rights to Viagra? He’s renaming it Microhard.

My wife dresses up like a nurse; then, I dress up like a nurse, also. And then, we don’t even have sex, either — we just sit behind this huge, semicircular wooden desk and get annoyed when people buzz us for juice.

When it comes to sex, I like to refer to my wife as Circuit City because she has no interest until January of next year.

Q: What is Bill Clinton’s favorite card game? A: Poker.

A woman tells her doctor, “My husband is 300% impotent. The doctor asks her, “I’m not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?” She replies, “Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger.”