You ever notice when people tell you you look like somebody, it’s always someone who you think is ugly?

A hunter saves an Indian chief being chased by a grizzly bear in the woods. The chief invites the hunter back to his camp to celebrate and reward the hunter for saving his life.At the celebration, the Indian chief says to the hunter, “I have a special surprise for you: …

We’re in this trophy shop, right? There’s trophies everywhere, shelves and shelves of trophies. My dad looks around and goes, ‘This guy’s really good.’

Q: Why did the belt get locked up? A: He held up a pair of pants.

When she was like 17 or 18 years old, she won a beauty contest back in Pennsylvania. She ran like three miles a day; she jogged; she swam six, seven miles a day. She was in really good shape, and she won a beauty contest. She was a good-looking woman. …

Big girls, we starting to get in style with the skinny girls, too. We can wear thongs, now. I can wear a thong — shoot, you may not be able to see it, but I can wear it.

Yo’ Mama is so fat, she irons her clothes with a steamroller.

You never see women going, ‘I am hammered, and I’m retaining water big time.’

God did not intend for a woman to weigh 90 pounds, alright? If you do, you are in third grade. Me, personally, I think the only thing that should weigh 90 pounds is maybe one full grown titty.

Three o’clock in the afternoon today, I’m downtown; there’s a guy standing in front of a fire hydrant, which is open just a little bit. He’s naked from the waist down, and in the spray from the hydrant, he’s shaving off his pubic hair with a disposable razor. Nobody is …