Wife, opening mail, to spouse: “The bank says that this is our last notice. Isn’t it wonderful that they’re not going to bother us anymore?’

The thrill is gone from my marriage, Brian told his best friend Mike. “Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an affair?” his friend suggested. “But what if my wife finds out?” “Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st centrury, Brian. Go ahead and …

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.” “But you are not wearing any of those things.” “I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure …

My wife sez that I’m too extravagant; that if anything ever happens to her, I’ll have to beg. I told her I’d be fine. I mean look at all the experience I’ve got.

QUESTION: What is honeymoon? ANSWER: That brief span of time between, “I do” and “You’d better!”

QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six days? ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.

QUESTION: Do you know what is honeymoon? ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. “What’s wrong?” The depressed one replied, “I’ve been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away.” The other lady asked, “What did they used to do?” The depressed lady replied, “Well, my first husband was a millionaire, …

Marriage is nature’s way of preventing people from fighting with strangers.

When Mr. Maxwell’s wife left him he couldn’t sleep. “She took the bed!”