Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers? A. They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don’t work.

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot him again.

What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They’re married.

Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark …

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and couldn’t bear passing her by. He completed the job for her, and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, “There, little lady, that’s done!” “Quiet,” she ordered …

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play house?” He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.” “Communicate my thoughts?” said a …

Larry’s barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company … Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and …

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, “Ah, m’sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?”