A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, “Don’t unleash the beast in me.” The wife snickered and replied, “Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.”

You and your husband dont seem to have an awful lot in common, said the new tenant’s neighbor. “Why on earth did you get married?” “I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract’,” was the reply. “He wasn’t pregnant and I was.”

A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. She looks surprised and says, I don’t have a headache!” He says, “Aha!”

Wife: “Do you think of me when you’re away darling?” Husband: “Yes honey, I always bare you in mind.”

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of …

A man calls his family doctor: man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her.

A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, “help, help, I am having a heart attack”, the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when …

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married. Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight.” he said. That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she …

A guy is dating three women and can’t decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one …